The wish to depend on and be lovingly indulged by another.
The wish to depend on and be lovingly indulged by another — to presume upon and bask in another's benevolence. A key concept in Japanese psychology (Takeo Doi).
Unlike plain affection (a warm feeling), attachment (a bond), or dependence (a state), amae names a specific relational stance — the desire to be indulged, and the expectation that the other will willingly indulge without resentment. It carries a faint sense of immaturity yet is valued as the basis of trusting, intimate bonds; a child seeking coddling, or an adult playfully relying on a spouse's goodwill, “displays amae.”
From the verb amaeru “to depend on / presume upon another's benevolence,” from the adjective amai “sweet, indulgent.”
Noun from the verb amaeru 甘える (“to presume on another's benevolence”), ultimately from amai 甘い “sweet, indulgent.”
Everyday Japanese vocabulary elevated to a psychological framework by Takeo Doi in The Anatomy of Dependence (甘えの構造, 1971; English 1973), where he argued amae — rooted in the infant–mother bond — is a key to Japanese interpersonal behavior.
Doi's claim that amae is distinctively Japanese is contested: cross-cultural psychologists note similar dynamics exist universally (comparable to attachment theory), and critics argue his Freudian lens overstated its depth. Popular “uniquely Japanese, untranslatable” glosses flatten this debate.